Forgotten Past
by Cpt. Ritter
Summary: Teyla encounters a part of her past she wanted to forget.
1. Prologue

_A/N: There will be a lot of speculation into Teyla's past, as well as John's past in this fic. Less action than usual. Inspired by the discussion into the value of procreation in the Pegasus galaxy by the Gateworld Shepmagen Shippers._

She thought she had left it behind; she thought she'd left that behind long ago. It wasn't the case, not today. Standing before her, was her son. The one she had thought she would never see him again. Her knees collapsed from under her, making John catch her before she feinted.

_A seventeen year old Teyla Emmagen looked up at her mother, trying to understand what she'd just been asked to do. Granted, she knew all about how she had to eventually have kids, but not like this, not like her mother was asking her to._

_"Teyla please." Her mother said. "Their people are all but destroyed by the wraith, none of the remaining women can have children."_

_"Would you do this mother?" Teyla replied, not wanting to admit she felt sympathy for people who would ask so much._

_"Child, if I could, I would destroy the wraith myself, but if we turn our backs on these people now, then we are as bad as the wraith."_

_Teyla shuddered, remembering the icy feeling of when her father had been taken. "I do not want to bear a stranger's child." Ever fiber of her being rebelled against the thought._

_"Teyla, they have offered all they have for a chance to keep their bloodlines going."_

_"By mingling with ours? By asking me to give of myself in that manner?"_

_"Teyla, you are not the only one with whom this is being asked."_

_"I will not."  
"Teyla, as the future leader of our people you must pass on the legacy of friendship."_

_"I thought we did not deal with strangers."_

_"They are not strangers, but former trading partners from before you were born. They have offered to do the work of every woman who is willing to bear a child."_

_"I cannot bear someone else's child."_

_"In time my child, you will do what is right." Her mother left._

_Teyla sobbed. She hadn't felt this terrible since her father had been taken. Her heart went out to these people, it truly did. But she couldn't give of her body in such a way. It was the one thing in this galaxy that couldn't be taken from her._

Teyla shook her head to clear the drowsiness. Standing above her, with a look of extreme concern was John Sheppard. He waved his hand across her vision. She sat up, nodding that she was alright.

"What happened?" Ronon said, he was kneeling just to the side of John.

"Did you know that young boy?" John asked.

Teyla nodded, stifling the tears. She had never expected this. Her dignity would not survive if she told them. "I must've recognized him from a long time ago."  
"You sure it's nothing more?" John asked quietly, his voice low to avoid attracting attention.

Teyla forced a smile. "It is nothing."

John nodded, then stood up. "So, back to Atlantis?"

"McKay wanted to check something out." Ronon replied.

John thought for second. "Keep an eye on McKay. I'll get Teyla back to Atlantis."

Ronon nodded, casting one final look at Teyla, before jogging off to catch up with the scientist.

John pulled her up onto her feet. It was comforting in a way, to know he cared. Teyla welcomed that he would take her back to Atlantis. She needed the rest. More importantly, she needed to try and understand what had just happened.

_A/N: So, who wants more? Should I continue?_


	2. In the Beginning

_A/N: By popular consent, this will most definitely continue. Without further ado, the next chapter. Just so everyone knows the italics equal flashbacks. Chapter 2 Beta'd by Trickster's Queen of War.  
_

John and Teyla had walked to the gate in relative silence. Teyla thanked John for not pressing the issue, but she knew that she would have to tell him eventually. Thankfully, they were soon through the gate and back in Atlantis.

"Colonel, you're back early." Elizabeth stated from the balcony.

"Teyla just needed to get some rest." John said, not voicing the full story for Teyla's sake.

"Is everything alright?" Elizabeth asked, walking down the main steps.

Teyla again smiled meekly. "Yes, I merely need time to rest. I did not sleep well last night, and it is getting late."

"Alright." Teyla saw Elizabeth glance surreptitiously at John, but was thankful that Elizabeth had let the issue drop. "John, make sure she gets to her quarters, then report to my office."

Teyla welcomed the company as John walked her to the transporter, he was still silent, but she could tell he was concealing curiosity about what had happened. She wasn't ready to tell him, but he would be the first to know when she was. Of that, she was certain.

They reached the door to her quarters, John started to say something, but stopped. Teyla nodded, then retreated into her room, letting the door close behind her. She hastily stripped off her mission gear and laid them at the foot of her bed.

She glanced out the window, the memories began to swim again.

_Several other young Athosian women were pregnant within the week. The Yalisians, as they were called, were upholding their end of the bargain, working the fields tirelessly. For her part, Teyla refused to not do her job. She was hunting alone, her bow and arrow ready in her hands._

_It was then that she felt the cold clutching her gut that warned her of the Wraith coming. She immediately slid her arrow into its pouch and began running back for the village. She had to warn them, it was something her mother had always taught her. She'd never been away before._

_She knew in her heart that it would be too late when she got there. Already she could hear the wraith ships screeching across the skies, taking lives with every pass. She prayed that the ancestors would protect them, but she knew it was a worthless prayer, the ancestors had never come to their aid, why would it happen now?_

_If anything, they must've been punishing her for not helping the Yalisians. She had been away, not able to warn her people of the impending wraith attack. She ran faster. The forest was her home, it always had been. It was not hard to move through the underbrush._

_She found her mother on the far side of the village, looking for her. Just then a wraith ship passed overhead. Teyla's mother shoved her daughter to the side, just as she herself was taken. Teyla rolled in the ditch, heedless of the mud. She screamed for her mother, but she knew there would be no one. She was alone._

_The tears came to her eyes. She rolled onto her back, losing the will to fight, begging the wraith to take her so that it would all be over. She closed her eyes and let the darkness come._

The painful memory brought tears to Teyla's eyes again. She forced them away. This was neither the time or the place. She needed to rest. Despite all the internal turmoil inside her mind, she forced the memories away and lay down to a restless sleep.

XXX

John shook his head, standing just outside Elizabeth's office. How much should he tell her? He didn't know. In reality, he didn't know anything. He only had a suspicion that Teyla wasn't telling the whole truth about the young boy she'd feinted upon seeing.

Not delaying anymore, he walked in, sitting down at her desk. "Reporting as ordered."

"Thanks John." Elizabeth said, looking up from her tablet computer. "What's the real reason Teyla needed to come back."

John weighed his options. He opted to tell the partial truth. He'd keep his suspicions to himself for now. "She was having trouble concentrating and I thought it'd be best if she came back. Besides, Rodney was the only one doing anything. I left Ronon with him."

"Once she's had a good night's sleep, I want her to report to Carson." Elizabeth replied. "Just to be safe."

"Alright." John replied. "Anything else?"

"No."

John stood to leave.

"One more thing Colonel." Elizabeth said, causing him to pause. "I know that's not the whole story, but I'll let it slide for now." She threw him a knowing smile.

"Thanks." John said, walking out of her office and to the armory. Once there, he dumped his gear and headed up to his own room.

The sun was setting outside. He stopped to regard it on the way to his room, looking out from one of the numerous balconies. He couldn't guess what could've made Teyla react like she had, only that whatever it was, it had been something significant.

_His father hadn't been much of a guiding force. Eighteen year old John Sheppard knew that. If anything, everything he did was to spite him. Call it being a rebellious teenager, or not, he didn't care. His mother had been killed in a car crash when he was eleven. The pain was a dull memory, one he still carried with him._

_Angela Newman had been one of the greatest influences on his life. There had been times when he just had to get out of the house, and she was always there. He guessed that was the benefit of having a steady girlfriend._

_Today had been one of those days. John's father had yelled at him for bringing home a less than stellar progress report. To be honest, John didn't really care for Advanced Placement English. In fact, he could care less. The teacher was an old woman who seemed more interested in the finer points of the English language than teaching them anything._

_He didn't even have his jacket, he'd left the house so quickly. His father would calm down, in a couple of hours. Thankfully, Angela was only a short walk away. He walked quickly down the street, closing his eyes and bottling the anger. He couldn't, wouldn't take it out on her._

_He reached her house in the usual five minute walk. His ears were already cold from the wind. Thankfully it was only fall, not winter. It was an old Victorian style house. He called it his home away from home, because he knew he was always welcome there._

_He walked up the front steps and rung the doorbell. Angela sighed when she opened it, motioning for him to come in. "What did you do this time John?" She said._

_"Bad grades in English." John replied, shrugging._

_She walked briefly into the kitchen. "Mom, John's here, he's gonna stay for awhile."_

_John heard her mother reply a cheery okay. He wished he still had parents like that. More importantly, he wished he still had a mom that could cook. In a pinch, Angela's mom would do for a mother though. Hell, she treated John like a son._

_Angela led him into the study, where her desk was. As usual, it was piled high with books and school work. She sat down on the couch in the room. He sat next to her, placing an arm around her._

_"Why does he do it?" Angela asked._

_It was a question John wasn't certain he had an answer for. He shrugged. "Maybe I'm just not good enough."_

_"Has he seen my grades in English?"_

_"I doubt it." John replied, throwing her a disarming smile._

_"For his information, you're doing better than half the class. Even though that's a C, it's not bad for that class."_

_"He won't accept it. He's convinced that if I'm not getting A's, that something is wrong with me." John sighed again as he looked away from her._

_She reached a hand over and turned him back to her. "Listen to me John; you're going to be great someday. I don't care what anyone says, you've got potential."_

_"Thanks." John replied, pulling her closer. "It means a lot to me."_

Significant meant bad in John's book. His teenage relationships had been fraught with pain, but none had hurt as much as losing Angela. He blocked the memory out and stepped back inside, heading for his room. It was getting late, and he wanted to catch some shut-eye before the morning. Maybe he could get something out of Teyla in their usual sparring session.

_A/N: And so the parallels begin, at least in my mind. Let the Shep and Teyla flashbacks continue._


	3. Was It A Mistake?

_A/N: Chapter 3 Beta'd by Trickster's Queen of War._

Teyla lay awake. She'd slept for a short time, but the memories were too strong and painful to stay away. Her thoughts went to John; she knew he was worried. More importantly, she knew he was not telling the whole truth to keep the pressure off of her.

Making up her mind, she sat up, throwing the covers off her. He deserved to know what had happened. If for no other reason than he was always there for her. She wasn't sure how she would say it, but in her heart, she knew the words would just come when she needed them.

She left her room and walked down the hall, in the darkened Atlantis. Atlantis at night was a mercifully quiet place, with few distractions. The lights were dimmed in the living quarters area, and gate travel was fairly uncommon.

She reached his room and paused for a second, should she wake him? She resolved herself to knowing that he'd want to help her. She opened the door and stepped in. "Colonel?" She asked.

John's head lolled over, obviously he hadn't been sleeping deeply. "Teyla, what time is it?"

Teyla looked away. "In truth I do not know. I have come to tell you about the boy we met."

He sat up. "Okay."

The simplistic nature of his sentence caused her to lose her train of thought. He hadn't said anything but that he'd listen. She had no clue about his feelings. Surprisingly, it affected her more than normal.

"He is my son." Teyla said quietly.

John's eyes nervously darted back and forth and a look of shock replaced his tired expression. "What?"

"It happened a very long time ago."

"I'll bet." He replied. She had his full attention.

_The darkness never came. Teyla didn't know how long she had laid their in the mud, devoid of the will to keep on living and fighting. She finally noticed she wasn't going to die when a young Yalisian found her._

_He was a fairly handsome young man, he couldn't be much older than her. He climbed down the slope, calling her name. She barely recognized it, the pain of her loss so strong in her mind._

_She vaguely remembered him picking her up and carrying her back to the village and only remembered Charin's nursings as if in a dream. She simply stared into the roof of Charin's home, as if staring into the last image of her mother._

_"Child, I know you can hear me." Charin said, gently rubbing her hand along Teyla's forehead._

_"She is gone." Teyla said, her voice barely above a whisper._

_"Not gone." Charin replied. "She has joined the ancestors. Now you must lead your people Teyla. They have need of an Emmagen once again."_

_"The ancestors are punishing me Charin, for not helping the Yalisians."_

_Charin laughed. "I doubt that very much Teyla. If anything, they are testing you, but punishing you, no."_

_"Then why must my mother die, so soon after my father." Teyla felt like crying, the tears just on the edges of her vision._

_"I don't know." Charin replied honestly. "But lying around moping will accomplish nothing."_

_Teyla realized how selfish she was being. She didn't care. It was her parents that had been taken. It was her life that was now alone. How could she accomplish anything without them._

_"I know what you're thinking." Charin said, almost as if reading her thoughts. "What could I possibly accomplish?" Charin grinned at Teyla._

_Despite herself, Teyla had to smile. Charin had a way with people, especially her._

_Charin placed a hand on Teyla's shoulder. "You can accomplish anything you want. Your father taught you everything so that you could one day take his place. He would have preferred to stay here longer, but he knew that couldn't be the case."_

_"What can I do?" Teyla asked._

_"Do everything you can Teyla." Charin replied. "Nothing more, nothing less."_

Teyla took a deep breath, unnerved by the stare John was giving her. She was terrified that she'd made a mistake, but she was secretly praying that he understood.

He looked away. "So, you had one of these Yalisians' kids?" He asked, disbelief in his voice.

Teyla nodded. She was past the point of denying anything. "Yes, eventually."

"Teyla... I..." He looked away, not able to meet her gaze, not even noticing that she couldn't meet his. "That's one of the most selfless things I've ever heard of. I don't think I could've done the same in your situation."

She sighed in relief. "I was afraid you'd think less of me."

John stood up, crossing the distance between them and placing his hands on her shoulders. "Look at me Teyla."

Her gaze drifted up to meet his.

"This just goes to show how amazing you are. You are the most selfless person I've ever met, and that's... just amazing. I wish I could say I've done the same."

Teyla's brow scrunched together in confusion. "John, what do you mean?"

He motioned for her to sit, it was a long story. One he'd never told anyone.

_It'd not been a great Friday. He'd brought ho__me__ a less than stellar report card and gotten kicked out of the house, again. Well, not exactly kicked out, but to escape the yelling, he needed to get out. The snow was falling fast, blanketing the ground in a thick coat._

_He was cold, but he didn't care. He'd be warm soon enough. Rumors had been spreading around the school that he and Angela were sexual active. There was no substance to the rumors, but since they'd been dating for three years, it wasn't surprising. Every other couple had._

_Her house was dark. That meant one of two things, they were asleep, or they were out. John put his money on the latter. With the frequency and length of his stays, Angela's dad had entrusted him with a key for just such and emergency._

_He still felt odd putting that key into the lock and stepping into the quiet house. He closed the door behind him, locking it again. He turned the front porch light on as he made his way to the living room._

_The couch was probably the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. He'd fallen asleep on it numerous times. A blanket was on it, along with a pillow. He shook his head, this wasn't normal. Then he spotted the note written in Angela's handwriting on the table._

_It explained that she figured he'd come by and need a place to stay. She was out getting dinner with her parents and would bring him something. At the bottom it said to make himself at home. He didn't feel comfortable with raiding the refrigerator, but he did feel comfortable passing out on the couch._

_He awoke some time later to Angela shaking him. "John, wake up already!"_

_He shook his head, clearing the dizziness. "Sorry. I just..." He trailed off._

_Her smile always warmed his heart. "Don't worry about it, that's why I left you the pillow and blanket."_

_"Thanks." He said, kissing her lightly. "I wish I could make it up to you."_

_"You don't have to." Angela replied, taking his hands in hers'. "You know I'll always be here for you. I brought you something."_

_"What'd you bring?" He said, his playful and sarcastic personality coming to life just by being in her presence._

_"Dinner."_

"Something happened, did it not?" Teyla asked, her voice now equally as quiet. She leaned against the wall at the head of his bed, giving him her full attention.

"Yeah, something happened." John echoed. "The worst part about it was that it was my fault."

"Your fault?"  
"She was the best thing that I had back then, and I threw it all away." John threw Teyla a very fake smile that quickly turned into a frown. "What else would you expect from me?"

Teyla slid closer, placing her hand in his. "John, tell me the whole story."

_Only a week later, John sought shelter in Angela's caring embrace once again. Her parents were out of town on a business trip, they left the house in her hands. They'd also told her that it was fine for John to stay at the house if he couldn't bear his._

_There was only so much pain John could deflect with sarcasm. When John did anything but respond, "Yes sir," his father would yell even more. He doubted his father would want him back in the house for awhile. He had the weekend, he didn't intend on showing back up until Sunday late._

_Angela leaned against him. The two of them were laying on her bed. John was sure this wasn't what he parents had in mind by him staying but he needed the companionship. To be completely honest, his father flying off the handle was hurting his grades even more._

_He didn't want to release her, but he did, standing up and getting ready to head downstairs to the couch. It was late and they both needed to sleep. "I'm heading downstairs."_

_"John, don't leave." Angela said. "Please."_

_He sat down at the edge of the bed, playfully tickling her toes. "I'll just be right downstairs."_

_"John, stop it." She said, leaning forward to push his hands away._

_He could feel his control of the situation slipping. He needed to leave now or he knew something bad was going to happen. "Angela, you know I can't sleep with you, it wouldn't be right."_

_"Well, then you'd better kiss me goodnight." She said, leaning back on her pillows._

_He slid up the bed so that they were only inches apart and kissed her. Somewhere between there and breaking the kiss he lost control, because soon their bodies merged and their kisses became frantic. Something bad had happened, though neither of them could admit it._

"She found out she was pregnant a month later." John said. "I was the father."

"John." Teyla tried to interrupt him.

"The thing is, I should've left while I was still capable of doing so." He was beating himself up and Teyla knew.

"John!" Her voice was quiet, but stern, silencing him. "It is not your fault. If anything, you were both at fault. Trying to blame yourself for what happened accomplishes nothing."

She took a deep breath, collecting her feelings. "What happened to me was different, but the same."

_Teyla found the young man who had pulled her from the ditch in the field. He wore a hat to keep the sun from his eyes as he worked, though his clothes were ragged from repeated wear. He bowed to her respectfully._

_Teyla return the bow. "Thank you for saving me."_

_"I believe the strength was your's." The young man replied. He pointed to himself. "Rylan."_

_"Teyla Emmagen, daughter of Tagan." Teyla replied, using the full title._

_Rylan looked around, two more Athosian women were pregnant and taking a much needed break. Teyla noticed his casual gaze in her direction. "Do you not have someone already?" Teyla asked._

_Rylan visibly blushed. "I could never ask a woman I hardly knew to bear my child. Even though I know that means I will be the last of my family."_

_"Your parents were culled?"  
"When I was four. My brother when I was six. My twin sisters at seven. Since then I've been lucky to be here as long as I have."_

_Teyla's heart ached to remember her own loss when compared to Rylan's. She admitted he was handsome and she was uneasy with her current line of thought, but Charin's words were still fresh on her mind. _

_She looked him in the eyes and said. "For the ancestor's sake, I will bear you one child."_

_Rylan looked at her as if she was an angel from the ancestors themselves. "I will never be able to repay this debt."_

_Teyla nodded grimly. She would do as her mentor had said. 'Do everything you can. Nothing more, nothing less.'_

John shook his head in amazement. "Just like that, you agreed to do that."

Telya grinned at the simplification. "I assure you Colonel that it was not, 'just like that.'"

"But still." John shook his head. "But that's the difference between what happened between me and you. I lost control, you knew what you were doing."

"I knew what I was agreeing to, yes." Teyla admitted. "But it still felt wrong."

"What you did was selfless, don't ever tell yourself other wise." John said, his hands gently squeezing hers.

For the moment, Teyla was in a place she never wanted to leave. She took a chance, and kissed John Sheppard right then and there. There was a moment of confusion in John's expression before he leaned into the kiss, but then he stopped, pulling away.

"John?" Teyla asked, still recovering from the surge of adrenaline that was making her heart beat in nervous anticipation.

"It's happening again." John said. He stood up, leaning against the support beam in the room. "I won't do that to you. You're too important." He held up his hands to stop any reply from her. "I'd be lying if I didn't find you attractive Teyla, and as McKay would put it 'hot.' But I won't sacrifice our friendship, not for just one night."

Teyla crossed the room. John's feelings were out in the open, she needed to reveal hers. She stopped just short of kissing him again. "John, you will always have my friendship, not matter what happens."


	4. Finding A Home

_A/N: Yeah, inspiration dawns once again. Beta'd by Trickster's Queen of War._

John wanted to kiss her, hell he wanted more than that, but the small voice in his head screamed no. Now wasn't the time or the place, and he wasn't sure he was ready. It was in the middle of the night and he needed to get back to bed, but he couldn't just ask her to leave.

He settled for a lower key approach. He took her hands and held them in his. "That means more to me than anything Teyla."

"There is more to your story?" Teyla asked, it was less of a question and more of a statement.

John nodded in response.

_He should've known that something was not right when Angela's smile wasn't present. Something had changed. She still welcomed him with a hug, then led him into the living room, where her parents were waiting._

_John suddenly had a feeling of deja vu. He was fairly certain it wouldn't be a yelling match, but just the demeanor of Angela's parents told him that it wasn't going to be a happy day for him. He was certain he knew the reason._

_The night he and Angela had spent together was still sharp and clear in his memory. It was hard not think about it during class. He knew it was wrong, but something kept telling him it was right. Then Angela had told him after class that she was pregnant._

_At first he hadn't known how to respond. He immediately knew why and how. He'd lowered his head in shame and pity. She'd confessed it was as much his fault as it was hers. They still had time, so they'd decided to keep it quiet, though the rumors had already spread._

_As he sat down on the couch, keeping a respectful distance from Angela, he knew that she'd gone to her parents looking for advice. She was in this situation because he hadn't shown the maturity to get up and leave when he should have._

_"John." Angela's mom said. "Is what Angela told us true?"  
John wouldn't lie, he couldn't. "Yes. It's my fault, I should have stopped before it happened."_

_Angela's dad held up a hand. "John please."_

_John bowed his head in shame. "I just wish I could change what I've done."_

_"We're not casting blame." Angela's mom said. "But we need to decide what to do."_

_John nodded._

_"We're proposing that Angela's baby be put up for adoption." Her dad said._

_John nodded again, feeling terrible. "I figured as much."_

_"We can't keep it John." Angela said, placing her hand on his. "But this is the chance to make things better."_

_John felt a tear fall from his eye. He never cried, but today was an exception. "I failed you."_

_"John..." Angela's mother began._

_Angela cut her mother off. "Listen to me John. You were this close to leaving that night. If anything I failed you!"_

_John didn't know how to respond. In truth, he still blamed himself. He'd always blame himself. He did till the day the child finally came and he had to face the horrible consequences._

John stopped, the tears coming to his eyes. He tried to hold them back, bury the emotion behind the sarcasm, but it was no use. The tears came anyway, silently streaming down his face, mercifully hidden behind the darkened shadow.

Yet somehow she knew, her gentle hands deftly brushed away the tears and he found himself staring into her eyes. In them was all the honesty, understanding, and compassion he needed. He shrugged to himself, unable to continue.

Her hands moved to his shoulders, gently massaging away all the pain. He leaned into her, not surprised when she returned the embrace warmly. He could feel her hair on the side of his face, her breath upon his neck.

He desperately want to kiss her again, to let his raging emotions find their solitude, but he knew it'd be temporary at best. Worst yet, they'd spent most of the night talking. He could feel the sun start to shine from his room balcony, highlighting the floor with an orange glow.

She made no move to leave, simply holding him as he was holding her. He finally gave in, gently kissing her, their lips barely meeting. It was enough. Teyla nodded in acknowledgment. This wasn't the time to get carried away.

He released her, his heart racing. "I love you Teyla." He murmured quietly.

Her hands remained clasped with his. "Promise me we will return today."

John nodded. "Just let me get an hour of sleep will you?"

Teyla smiled. "I believe both of us will be very tired by the end of the day."

"It was worth it though. Thanks." He grinned.

"I am grateful to have a..." She paused, searching for the correct word. "...someone who means the world to me to confide in."

John wasn't one to blush, but he turned a slight shade of crimson at the compliment. "I'm not perfect Teyla."  
She smiled broadly. "I wouldn't have it any other way... John." She turned and left the room.

XXX

John forced himself out of bed an hour later. He'd made a promise and he intended to keep it. He showered and grabbed a fresh set of clothes, then put his jacket back on. He walked out of his room and caught Teyla passing by.

She looked just as tired as he felt, but that didn't stop her from smiling. "Breakfast first?" She asked.

"Good idea." John replied, sliding back into the usual routine.

The cafeteria was quiet, it was past the normal time for breakfast, but that didn't mean there wasn't food. One of the great things about having the Daedalus was that there was cereal. At first, Teyla had been confused about it, but she'd enjoyed all the kinds she tried.

Today was fairly normal. John filled his bowl as high as it would go with Fruit Loops, Teyla chose the mystery cereal. John didn't have the slightest clue where it had come from, or what it was. It was Teyla's way however and he wasn't going to question it.

"You never did tell me how you knew it was him." John said between spoonfuls of cereal.

"I felt a connection." Teyla replied. "Doctor McKay would call it... 'superstition'... but I know it was him."

"Hey, good enough for me." John replied. "I wonder if I could've ever find my kid."

"I believe anything is possible, if you try hard enough."

He narrowed his eyes. "Now you're mocking me. You've been spending too much time around McKay."

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Teyla said slyly.

After breakfast they both reported to the armory and geared up. There was still the matter of convincing Elizabeth to let them go, but since Ronon and Rodney were still on the planet, it wasn't hard. Within minutes, they were on the other side of the gate and walking towards the village.

XXX

John and Teyla entered the village and found Ronon and Rodney packing up and getting ready to leave. John held up his hand. "Wait a second."

"What?" McKay quipped. "We were up into the late hours retrieving a dead ZPM."

"Teyla needs to find the kid that made her feint yesterday."

"Why? It's just a kid."

John glared at McKay, making the scientist immediately shut up. Ronon cast a curios glance at John, then turned his attention to Teyla. "You alright?"

"I will be." Teyla replied.

John led the group to the tent where they'd previously found the boy. He didn't see any sign of the kid, but that didn't mean he was here. They were confined to the front of the tent, which served as a store.

He cautiously peeked behind the curtains, but jumped back when the boy came crashing through. John forced himself to keep his P90 down even though he'd been startled, and his instinctive reaction was to raise his gun.

"Kylen." Teyla's voice was quiet, turning all eyes to her, including the boy's.

"Who are you?" Kylen replied, instinctively backing up.

"I am your mother." Teyla replied, passing her P90 to Ronon. She took a step forward, extending her hand. "I am sorry I never knew you, but I did know your father."  
Kylen flinched.

"Your father was taken?" Teyla said quietly, lowering her head.

Kylen walked cautiously towards Teyla. "How come I don't know you."

Teyla swallowed hard, a lump forming in her throat, then told her tale.

_Teyla was the last mother to give birth. It was both a process she was glad to take part in. The shear amount of effort had left her exhausted and in Charin's care. Rylan stood in the corner, a sleeping infant wrapped in a blanket in his arms._

_"You should see your son." Charin's voice beckoned Teyla to look as Rylan showed her the child._

_Teyla nearly passed out again. Never had she seen anything so beautiful. Never had she felt such a connection with such a small being. Her mind was abuzz with the babies quiet comforting thoughts. She'd never had a bond with someone like that before._

_Rylan's expression was pained. Teyla could've sworn something was wrong, never did she realize what was bothering him would hurt so much._

_"Teyla." Rylan said, taking a deep breath. "My people must go."_

_The shock settled in, causing Teyla's eyes to shoot wide open and not even her fatigued body could prevent her from sitting up and glaring at Rylan. "He is as much my son as yours."  
"I admit that." Rylan said. "But... we cannot stay her__e__ on Athos. We must find a place to hide where the wraith will not find us."  
"The wraith will find you no matter where you go." Teyla replied, still shocked he would leave, especially with their son._

_"But it is my people's way to try and find that place." Rylan continued. "I can never repay you for bringing me a chance at a new life."  
Teyla took one last look at her son, knowing it was the last time she'd ever see him. "Promise me you will tell him about me."_

_"I swear it." Rylan placed the baby in Teyla's arms. "I will call him Kylen, and he will know he is the son of Teyla Emmagen."_

_Teyla kissed Kylen's forehead and then handed him back to Rylan. "May the ancestors be with you." Teyla turned away, pain and anguish rolling over her in waves. She should've known this would happen. She'd even come to like Rylan._

_Never again would she do that. Her duty was to her people and the Yalisians had taken advantage of that. It didn't change who she was however, she was the daughter of Tagan. She had done everything she could for him, now it was up to him._

"You are Teyla?" Kylen asked, in his modest eight year old voice.

Teyla nodded, feeling John's hand on her shoulder, his presence by her side.

Kylen crossed the room and engulfed Teyla in a big hug. "Dad told me all about you, before he died."

"Kylen, who are you..." A tall, dark haired man entered the tent, suddenly trailing off as he saw Kylen with his arms around a total stranger. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed.

"Uncle Malen!" Kylen jumped up and down with excitement. "This is Teyla, my mother."

Malen looked at Teyla, his expression impossible to read. "Are you Teyla Emmagen, the daughter of Tagan."

Teyla nodded. "I am Kylen's mother."

Malen glanced nervously at his feet. "Kylen, go to your room and play, I need to talk to these people."

Kylen looked to Teyla for confirmation.

Teyla blushed. _He must be feeling the same connection that I am._ "Go."

Kylen obediently ducked back into the back of the tent.

"It seems he knows you, at least deep down." Malen said, motioning for them to sit around a small table.

"What happened to Rylan?" Teyla asked. Deep down, she already knew the answer.

"He was taken in a culling that took almost all of his people." Malen said quietly. "All that were left were a handful of children and adults after the culling. I took Kalen in when he was five."

"At least he ended up in compassionate hands." John said. "A lot of bad things can happen to a fatherless child at that age."

"Rylan's people had been staying with ours for a few weeks. I was friends with Rylan. He told me that should anything happen to him, he wanted Kylen to know about his mother, his real mother. He told me of what you did for him. Can't say I would've done the same."

"Is Kylen happy here?" Teyla asked.

"He's as happy as one can be when threatened by the wraith in their daily lives."

"What if we told you we could take him to a place where he'd never have to worry about that again?" John asked, quietly laying the offer on the table.

"Colonel, would Doctor Weir approve?" Teyla asked, her voice quietly betraying the concern.

"I'm not talking about Atlantis... although that certainly is an option... I'm talking about the mainland, your people Teyla." He'd never seen Teyla chew her lip, but she was now.

"I would ask when?" Malen said. "This place is no home for me or for Kylen. We are outsiders."

"Would you come with him to continue to care for him, as if he were your own?" Teyla said, her voice betraying her slight disappointment with the outcome.

"Teyla, I have spent the last three years of my life as a father to Kylen. Of course I would."

Teyla smiled, her son would be coming home, to live with his mother's people.

_A/N: One more chapter, two tops. Think happy shipping thoughts._


	5. Loose Ends

_A/N: Sorry for the delay, writers block! Blame those stupid bunnies! Beta'd by Trickster's Queen of War._

Teyla was satisfied. Kylen had been welcomed to her people with open arms, along with Malen. Now she could see him whenever she wanted to. She knew Atlantis was no place for a child, there was always too much at stake. Besides, he would learn about everything she was too.

She smiled, the ancestors must be smiling on her today. Her emotions were bubbling to the surface, something she wasn't used to. Normally, she could keep them under a tight wrap. Now, she just radiated happiness.

John had his attention focused forward, flying the jumper at a comfortable cruising speed for Atlantis. He seemed lost in thought, something was still bothering him. It damped her spirits. She glanced at him. "Colonel, what is wrong?"

"I guess I'm jealous." John replied, glancing back but keeping his gaze forward most of the time.

Teyla raised an eyebrow, this was not something she was used to seeing in him. "Jealous? About Kylen?"

"No. I just wish I could find my kid, but if Angela put it up for adoption, then I'll never be able to track him down."

"Do you still know where she lives?" Teyla gently pushed, John needed this out of his system.

"No."

_The hardest day of his life was the day Angela and her parents moved out. She hadn't even told him where she was going. That bothered him more than anything. The baby had been born, and he'd been told it had been adopted, but Angela had started missing lots of class and not even talking to him._

_He'd been talking to the Air Force recruiter for months and had his life all planned out. Or at least, as planned out as John Sheppard could. It was the day before he was supposed to go to basic training._

_Basically, the day he'd joined the Air Force was the day he severed himself from everything he'd ever cared about. Sure, he eventually made friends and expanded, but it had never replaced her. Mitch and Dex had become the closest things to a new family he ever had, then they died._

"Would the Air Force be able to find her?"

John locked gazes with Teyla. This was something he had to look into.

XXX

It had been a simple matter to convince Elizabeth to let him do this, of course, he'd had to tell her the whole story. To be honest, he felt better having confided in some of the people he'd counted as family.

At the SGC he talked with Landry briefly before heading out to get to the address where Angela lived. Of course, that had been a whole load of experiences. Teyla's first time on the real Earth;l her first time in an airplane; dinner in an airport restaurant.

In short, they didn't stop until he reached Angela's doorstep. He put the car in park and turned it off. He and Teyla were both dressed in comfortable civilian clothes, after all, Angela didn't have security clearance. He took a deep breath. "This is the place."  
"Then let us go." Teyla said.

"Right." John climbed out of the car and walked to the front door, Teyla only a step behind him. He stopped short of ringing the doorbell.

"John." Teyla said quietly, her hand taking one of his and squeezing it reassuringly.

He breathed again and rung the doorbell. Several agonizing seconds passed before the door opened, revealing a woman he knew had to be Angela.

"Angela!" John said breathlessly, he'd never expected this.

"John." Angela said quietly. "Is that really you?"

He nodded, crossing the distance between them and gently embracing her. She returned the gentle embrace. Teyla stood back, watching the exchange. She smiled, John had finally found the woman he'd loved so long ago.

John separated. "Angela, Teyla." He pointed back to Teyla.

"Hi." Angela said. "Won't you two come in?" She led Teyla and John into the living room. "It's been a long time."

John nodded. "How have you been?"

"Not bad." Angela replied. "I met someone." She grinned proudly. "I see you have too."

John blushed, much to Teyla's amusement. "He a nice guy?"

"Oh definitely. What brings you here?"

John hesitated. "What ever happened to our child?"

Angela smiled. "I never put him up for adoption." She turned and yelled up the stairs. "Michael, come down here."

When Michael came down John felt his heart leap into his throat. Standing in front of him was a mirror image of himself at fourteen. He may have had Angela's eyes, but he was almost a clone of John.

"Mom, who's this?" Michael asked.

"Your father." Angela replied.

Michael took one look at his father then ran back up the steps, slamming the door to his room.

Angela looked away. "I was afraid of that."

John stood up, heading for the stairwell. "I'm going to go speak with him."  
"Let me..." Angela began.

"No," John interrupted. "This is something I have to do. Besides, you two probably have some bad mouthing of me to do, enjoy it." He grinned, then walked up the stairs.

It wasn't hard to find Michael's room, it was the only door closed. He knocked. "Michael, it's me."

"What do you want?" Michael spat in response.

"Look, I have no reason to ask this, but I want to be able to say I'm proud of you, but I don't even know who you are."

Michael opened the door. He shrugged his shoulders. "To be honest, I'm not that great of a student."

John caught a hint of a familiar song from the radio. "That INXS?"  
"Yeah why?"

"Good band."

"That's it."

"It is." John protested, the sarcasm returning to his voice.

To his credit, Michael laughed. "Why didn't you stay?"

"I thought your mom had put you up for adoption. It wasn't what I wanted, but I joined the Air Force a few days after you were born."

"I talked to the recruiter, I'm not sure if it's for me."

"That's your decision. It was a haven for me. Look, all I want to say is that if I'd known..."

"What? You would have thrown away your life?"

John stuttered, not exactly sure what Michael was getting at.

"Hey, I turned out fine. Don't blame yourself for what happened to me. It was mom's choice."

"So we're good?"

"Better." Michael gave his father a hug. "Glad to finally meet you... dad."

Tears streamed from John's eyes. He'd never dreamed he would ever see this. He wiped the tears from his eyes. "One word of recommendation. The air force can give you opportunities you can't get anywhere else."

"I'll keep that in mind."

John and Michael walked down into the living room where Teyla and Angela were in animated conversation. John smiled. "So how have you two been?"

"Whatever it is you do John," Angela said, "you met someone who'll be your soul mate."

"Thanks." John replied. He'd never felt so good. He'd found a lost part of his past, so had Teyla. That was worth it all.

_A/N: That's it, hope you enjoyed it. This was a lot of fun to write._


End file.
